My dear love,
Loving you was possibly the best thing I’ve ever done in my entire life, which didn’t even prove to be fruitful as per the eyes of society.
When I first saw you, I didn’t develop any extraordinary impression of you.
We had our set of common friends. We met. We hung out. We started talking to each other. You ignited a unique kind of spark in my eyes; the kind that could fire a whole forest.
It wasn’t you, it wasn’t me neither that brought us into this relation; rather it was the peer pressure. I don’t know whether to appreciate my friends for pushing me to ask you out or abuse them for choosing a guy like ‘you’ for me.
I never thought of falling in love. For anyone. With anyone. The similar scenes around me had already scared the little girl inside me for failures happening among young teenage couples. I couldn’t afford to risk my mental stability for anyone. I had my insecurities.
Talking to you was the most manipulative trap I have ever been in. You promised me a whole galaxy, while you couldn’t even afford a single star for me.
I don’t regret being in a relation. I do regret being in a relation with you, for I had given my all, my all, to make that relation prosper. But unfortunately, I was late to realise that it takes two hands to tie a knot: a knot that could last forever.
I feel glad I’ve been in a relation in my life, you know. I don’t regret a single incident, while thinking of past, our past, where I could’ve contributed more from my side than I already did, to stop you from doing what you did to me.
Whenever I think about what more I could’ve done to keep you from cheating me, I couldn’t think of one single thing. I did whatever I could. I loved you more than I could afford to. Maybe, I was just a source of entertainment for you; once it stopped entertaining you, you decided to reach out to the remote control and change the TV channel.
Loving isn’t something I consider I did wrong.
Loving ‘you’ is the only thing I consider I did wrong.
Even being in a relation, I, for once, felt like it was one-sided. And like any other one sided relation, ours expired as soon as you got someone more entertaining.
When I look at your facebook pics, I don’t make awkward/giddy faces. I don’t feel nausea anymore. I just give them a look and smile, for I didn’t do anything less.
Though, sometimes, while wondering, I do regret that maybe if I’d be with someone who deserved me better, maybe it could’ve lasted long.
Your “love” did nothing to me, apart from raising the barriers around my heart, intensifying my insecurities.
And that’s why I sometimes try not to love you, anymore.